Words of Wisdom from Danielle and Sharon

Ristagno Compostio, a national hero.
June 5, 2008, 9:01 pm
Filed under: Athletics, Sport | Tags: ,
Ristagno Compostio

Ristagno Compostio, Hangovia's national hero

This is Ristagno Compostio. He is the 100 metres record holder in the small and obscure southern European Principality of Hangovia. He smashed the national record by 5 seconds 2 years ago at a national competition when he ran the distance in 19.73 seconds. There was some controversy at the time because the timekeeper was thought to have accidentally started his stopwatch some 3 seconds after the race had been started (he had been asleep and was startled into action by the sound of the starting pistol). The same race was also marred by a tragedy because the starter had accidentally left some live ammunition in his starting pistol and had shot one of the racers, Sfortunato Perdente, dead.

Ristagno’s victory was complete, though, because he won the race by a good 20 metres and breaking the national record was the icing on the cake for him. He was later to dedicate the race to Sfortunato, as he believed his death had probably distracted the other runners a bit.

Ristagno was born in the suburbs of Hangovia’s main city, Berzase, in 1978. When he was small he would frequently run errands for his mother, Guardaroba. She would send him off to collect small mushrooms of a certain colour, which she would dry and sell to tourists in Berzase’s main square. As he got older, she would send him farther afield, looking for herbs, which she would dry and sell to tourists in Berzase’s main square.

They never had a great deal of money, despite his mother’s entrepreneurial spirit, and he had no knowledge of his father. When he started working as a clerical assistant in the National Bank, he was unable to afford the bus and so ran into work and back again at night. This proved a solid foundation for the training that would eventually lead to his pre-eminence in his country’s sporting pantheon.

Ristagno is a modest man and I am sure that if he were to read this article, he would ask for a picture of his opponents from two years ago to be included. I was lucky enough to find a picture of his competitors on that fateful day, taken by one of Hangovia’s most respected photographers, Benzino Stoviglie. So, here they are, from left to right Pasticcino Torta, Porka Grasso, Panino Crema, Culo del Lardo and, last but not least, Grande Mangiatore.

Hangovia\'s finest


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