The ancient religion of Zircon-inanity is practised in the ancient city state of Pulmonia. The High Priestess of Zirconia is called Crepida Barda and she carries out the ancient rite known as Cust-oma Caer. This involves appeasing the deities (their ancient names, Pol, Icy and Holders, must never be said aloud by any but the High Priestess) by throwing small pieces of paper with arcane symbols (£s and 100s) at them. This way she hopes to ensure a good harvest, fertility, Villa to win the Premiership and for the gods not to scream and shout, stamp their feet and go red in the face.
The High Priestess’ robes of office are:
The Thong of Plenty
The Bikini Top of Righteousness
The Kneeboots of Charity
In her right hand she carries a golden chalice containing a rare wine, made from grapes grown on the side of the sacred hill, Jay-too-Oh!. In her left hand, she carries the Plastic Spoon of Hope.