Sharon is off work today. She’s not pulling a sicky or anything like that, it’s simply her day off. On his way into work this morning, John, Sharon’s young man, noticed there was a farmers’ market on for the day in nearby Bishops Itchington and sent Sharon a text to let her know.
Never one to miss a bargain, Sharon got into her Peel P50 and set off to do some shopping.
Once she got there, there was a bewildering variety on show. She wandered around, bemused for a while, just looking and seeing if anything took her fancy. Suddenly, she saw it. A rosy-cheeked farmer with huge mutton chop whiskers in a smock, with a red spotted hanky tied round his neck shouting “Get orff moy laaand!” at everybody and everything walking past. She went up to the stall and asked the person there, “How much for the one with the red spotted hanky?” “£7.50 a pound,” was the reply. “That’s a bit steep,” she said, “I’ll give you £3.00 a pound.” After a bit of haggling, they settled on £5.50 a pound and the farmer jumped on the scales. Sharon left a good deal poorer than before but with a fine specimen to take home.
Once she got him home, she chained him up in the car park at the rear of the flats where she and John live and he has spent the rest of the day shouting at school children at a nearby school. Sharon was delighted to see him pull out a shotgun and shoot a toy dog just now. “That dog’s been worrying moy sheep,” he shouted at the dog’s small and tearful owner as she picked up the mangled pieces of fluff and material.
Sharon can’t wait for John to get home so he can see her latest acquisition, which she has decided to call George. He is already a die-hard Tory and hates change of any variety and soon Sharon hopes he will develop more bucolic traits and possibly grow some crops on the school field at the back and then shout at the children for trampling on them when they’re playing football. Next week, Sharon hopes to get him a tractor, so he can drive it on the main arterial routes during rush hour and annoy the commuters. It’s amazing to think how much fun you can have with a farmer.